the same different worlds we live in

Friday, December 04, 2009
if that's what you think.

time passes so quickly these days, a's seemed like last month!
but it was only a few days back.
hehe.

been out and about the past week
i'm broke from travelling and stuff. tsktsk.
and mom wouldn't give me pocket money! i'm just living on my savings.
so many people looking/have found their jobs already!
but i am currently unemployed w kx hehe
still gonna have more fun before i start looking for job next year i guess.
-----
spending time w kx the past few days =)
did i mention on tue 1 dec it was aunt's bday.
who can forget her bday man.
(speaking of bday today's my mom's bday and i dun intend to do anything. hehe we never really celebrated such stuff. plus she's really busy. [and having lots of pmses recently])
anyway we got treated to jap food! yums jap food rocks my socks.
and ppl i like raw food. =)
grandma was complaining about the food haha. she's damn funny.
she doesn't like jap food. or jap in summary.

and unfortunately she thinks jap and koreans are the same. no they're not!
koreans ... are so much hotter. *melts*

-----

thursday was spent with jeryl andrea moni at orchard.

was supposed to watch Case 39 but obviously they told me we were watching New Moon.

cheeky huh... and i didn't realise until i saw the female lead and realised i saw her in the trailor my bro showed me before.

it was rather notbad, enough to make moni scream HA! but it was so loud and the sound effects were so irritating i was covering my ears a lot of the time. somehow i think the sound effects are even scarier than what's on the screen.

but i wouldn't have understood New Moon either, not a fan of it and i missed Twilight and, i'm not intending to watch either of them yet. (maybe until i feel bored enough to search for it online or get my dad to download it =x) maybe the actors are not good-looking enough to attract my attention, haha [fangirls, slap me.]

anyways not now la, i might just get addicted to it and start going gaga over it. u know how i finished watching BOF in 2 days... glad i didn't watch it before a's.

i think if not for my laggy com i would have spent the past week rotting at home watching new vids.

-----

ytd i spent my whole day at the west. [or is it the east? aiya wherever boonlay is]

first shopping without money [!??]

then went to hockey village with aida to play some hockey and it was complete fail =S

we wanted to play but we couldn't cuz we weren't wearing shoes. =(

and anyway we wouldn't be able to recognise our own teammates.

there were only 2 girls at training.

have u ever seen a hockey team of 2?

isn't even enough to play a friendly. =(

what happened to our team!

those retesting, all the way!

(feels weird to be saying that cuz i know really well how useless saying that is.)

meanwhile i'll continue crashing... heh.

ah yes,

aida's bro is cute lurh!

went to her house with ami ytd after their pitch and started snacking and playing Wii hahaha.

Wii sports was fun. guitar heroes bored me to tears this time. it didn't seem as fun as it was the other time at theo's. [prolly cuz 5 people were playing one guitar]

syaiful: in hockey is there guys and girls or do u all mix?

aida: of cuz guys and girls la.. mix how to play.

syaiful: oh.. *turns to ami* then do u play in the guys or girls team?

{spellcheck his name}

HAHAHA. ISN'T THAT CUTE. he really thought ami was gay i guess. xP

-----

i don't seem to be getting any withdrawal syndromes yet.

i would enjoy the boredom of stoning even more than the mugging days. the mere thought of it is so nauseating already. zz.

i can't even bring myself to pack my notes.

and hence, my house still looks as though it got swept by the hurricane.

-----

my bro, being a pest, pestered my dad to get him a lappie.

and he did.

for once in my life he is agreeable to sth.

and i think he overheard me telling my mom about some other lappie that looks really nice [and maybe he felt guilty for not buying me one too xp] and he told me that i was sharing with my bro the new lappie.

hello? share with my bro? my ass la.

firstly he treats it like it's his new girlfriend. like some duty to spend the whole day with it.

and secondly gives a face that i know is extremely unhappy when i'm touching his girlfriend.

(sidetrack; i love the webcam hehe

)
and thirdly. sharing stuff with him? no please. he spoils everything he uses. and i always end up getting pissed because the things he spoils or loses are usually not his. asshole. [yes i'm irritated cuz he just lost my stuff]

-----

you pressure me a lot.

don't tell me that. i don't buy it.

and afterall... how does that matter to u anyway?

at first i thought we looked like strangers to one another.

then we started to sound like strangers.

and now, we even feel like strangers.

i'm sorry if u're unhappy but i'm like this.

if they're causing you to do this to urself,

don't.

u dun deserve this,

no matter what they say.

u deserve better for urself.

bleed to death, and they don't care.

-----

oh dear oh dear.

am i not foolish, not silly?

have i lost all of my mind?

temptations temptations,

i just can't help but let myself slip into it.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009
it's in the blood.

WHAT A DAY.

at first, we were spoilt for choice.

?
nope, too ex.

yes, snow!
but it was all taken. the rest of singapore was fighting to go to europe.

?
we almost got to fly on 7dec but it was closed :(
or we could take the garuda airline xp

so we decided.
to just go

for shopping and food =D
hahaha.

because i was practically walking about in chinatown
i missed crashing hockey training!
=zz

--------------------------------------------------------------

how much, just how much.
i can't express with words on earth,
i can't estimate with worldly counting
nobody has made me laugh and cry as you have done.
it's not like me.
i wanna see and hear you only, let you live within me.
every breath i call out your name.
stay if it's hard,
and if i ever lose my everything,
i will protect you.

an addiction i can't seem to get rid of.

that's what i'm best at.

Monday, November 30, 2009
i wouldn't bear to

there're things that i'd like to wish for.
but i just couldn't.
i'm afraid they might just come true. =/

first i shall start off by ranting about my parents [unfortunately, again]

it always irks me that i come home late [and it isn't even past midnight] and all i get is "where the hell have you been!" instead of the "where did you go? are you hungry?" my bro gets when he gets home late. and he, always gets home later than i am. even if he gets scolded it'll be all over in minutes while i'll have hell to suffer for the next few days. isn't it frustrating that someone younger than u is being treated like an adult while u're like some baby that needs to be told when to come home? i dun uds why it's like that but it just is, and i dun bother udsg why cuz they would just say "oh, cuz u're a girl" LIKE HELLO, SO!? which part of being a girl makes me less human?
AND.
when my brother talks back and they start quarrelling everything just blows over in a few hours, while me who tries not to talk to make things worse, gets scolded for being rude for shutting up.
!?
LIKE WTH. isn't it common sense to shut up when u're in a bad mood or when ppl are in bad mood so nth gets worse than it already is?

i'm starting to think i'm not weird.
because they are.

anyway on a happier note.
randomly, i never knew finishing a drama series in 2 days is really fast. and, i never knew i could do it. xp
met my sissys at vivo today [waited for 10 hours for yee the duapai sitting in Superdog looking at others eat their spicy dogs and cheesey fries- DAMN YUM!]
phone died on me and faith was enough to make me wait for 20 minutes at the mrt station for chua. i knew she would turn up (late). heheh
theo was uber de lucky to get her one and only pair of shoes left islandwide cuz someone reserved it and didn't turn up!
hahaha. if not u might have to buy it in US.
did i mention she's going to US tmr?
YES, TMR.
damn fast lurh.
and i just found out ytd =.-
what is this man...
ok here're some of the photos we took today to share. in our school u for the last time, hehe.
sad or not.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

sometimes it's ok to come to the realization that u're alone in this world even though we don't always have to be alone.

it comes with pain, it hurts so much.

the tears keep coming, they don't stop.

to back off, to turn away,

sometimes it's just the way we deal with our fears.

would you be with me to overcome my fears?

can you, and would you?

maybe just maybe, one day we'll know.

now we might not know it, we do not.

till then i'll make my memories alone, with the strength you give me.

you seem to know, you always seem to know when i need it.

and i know somehow i'll be alright,

just like u'll be my light.

it's a dazzling destiny.

i could be so happy, but sometimes i get a little greedy.

what do i do

when all that i could is let out the tears,

the starlight tears.

and i'm foolish, really foolish.

Sunday, November 29, 2009
we're looking at the same things

and so we live in the same world.

my stupidity is unfathomable.
the foolishness is beyond limits.
and yes, i'm silly beyond belief.

it's kinda a torture, but i'm like enjoying it or sth. WHY!?
the time alone to just idle and let my mind run away.
always out of my mind.

ah, is this still me. yes it is, yes i am.
[and no, it's not the withdrawal symptoms yet. i tried looking at tys questions and still almost puked.]

i need to stop my imagination from running wilder than ever.
stop, STOP!

then again,
do dreams come true?
cuz i had a really good dream the other night.
i could just keep dreaming it over and over.

live life like spongebob?

but we live in same different worlds. don't we?

p.s. pek, i provide really not bad piggyback service eh? heheh.

p.p.s. and ppl, today i just realised lee min-ho looks like joanne peh.
and everytime i talk about him i am tempted to repeat and emphasize for infinite times
HE'S DAMN FRIGGIN' HOT.
i'm feeling tempted to plaster his photos all over my blog already.

Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tell urself a lie, keep pretending it's alright.

Argggsh
i am going crazy. Really going crazy. Someone, anyone, please slap me and make me wake up to my senses.
So all this while that's what i really wanted, all i really needed? Why why why why am i going out of my mind?...
Tell me. What I'm supposed to do. Before this becomes too much.
Why am i so silly to believe. What seems like it really exists.

This is just not normal.
I feel crazy stupid just thinking about it.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Omg omg Omg I'm like hooked onto boys over flowers. Hahaha. Thanks to kxbj shirlynnyang theo and poh i went to watch it the other day and for the past 2 days my lazy ass has been stuck to my chair in front of my desktop for 10 hours each day. And the muscle aches from the little hockey game the other day are still not gone la. Hehe. And think I've been pissing ppl off with the extremely late sms replies and return calls. Haven't been checking my phone till really late.
Anyway i just got to say this la the guys are extremely hot they're even hotter than poloboys la theo though i dun watch heh. They just keep looking better and better everytime i look at them Hehe. Even the ugliest of the 4 is better looking than all the guys I've ever seen lol. And they're so good looking that even curly hair looks nice on them. I mean straight hair would look better but my point is they're really good looking. And have very very hot bods.

How come i dun feel a sense of urgency for Monday's physics mcq. Xp I'm even meeting chungs and bao later Haha. This is holidays man. Ok fine i shall try to find some time to study some physics. If i can overcome the allure of my com. TSK. That's a bit tough ya...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

beyonce ft lady gaga- video phone
the vid and the lyrics are kinda retarded
but beyonce is just sexy la haha.
lady gaga- bad romance
in love with the song xp.
so much so i had to listen to it while i was halfway studying. haha

I WANNA GO TO THE NORTH POLE TO SEE AURORA BOREALIS!
i got the inspiration while i was doing physics ytd. hehe.
and i would go there and weigh myself to see if i really weigh different haha so interesting.
i would like to die there omg la, such a holy feeling.
someone bring me there! can i go this christmas lol.
and i changed my mind when i die don't scatter me around the mountains.
bury me at the north pole please. heh.
i would die to go there and see the northern lights.
it is just... wTFLM la hahaha.

ok we'll leave that till later.
i got 8 months to dream about it.
now it's time to get going before i'm late.

Psst pardon me for my extremely excited post. It's the split personality thing again. Haha

Anyway. With strength from ppl i love I'll overcome the examophobia. Ha.

Thanks for being there to wipe my tears away. And giving me strength to face reality and face failure.

I might come home feeling sad, crying, [never again pls]. But i hope i never forget what u ppl told me and gave me.

Think this journey may be tiring, but it kinda made me realize that there were finer things in life, and really understanding that obstacles are part of life, and as much as the society doesn't allow for mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. And it's ok if we stand back up, and look forward.

Such is life and it's complexity.

let's be honest, with the feelings.

YOOHOOO

ok people. i'm more or less over it. i think. i hope.
after having ppl telling me to just get over it.
it wasn't really easy. in fact it was damn tough.
it wasn't that i don't uds what u ppl were trying to tell me. but it's just really painful la.
but i know i got alot of u to to thank for bringing me through this =)
BUT ANYWAYS. i shall stop talking about it before the stupid emotions come back to look for me again.
a few days ago i couldn't see the end.
i actually thought it was The end. everything felt like it was falling apart.
the closer we were to the end the more i felt like going back in time.
but today i'm finally seeing the end! =DD
cuz i would wake up smiling and trying to imagine how SHIOK i'll be feeling waking up at 12pm cuz i stayed up late the previous night NOT MUGGING, but playing! preparing to go out or just staying home to have the whole tv to myself =) HAHAHA omg omg omg the thought of it makes me feel like floating already.
i'm gonna forget about the day we're getting back our results. [at least for now] haha xp
think it's the influence from my cuzzie la.
wish i was alot more like him xp
i could be so much happier with his 'who cares' attitude lol
he doesn't give shit that he didn't finish his essays and his other subs were tough. and on saturday the more we talked about our papers and complained about our papers the funnier we thought it was.
and maybe just maybe my grades might turn out a lil better than expected. [no high hopes there though]
and afterall, yeah 人比人,气死人.
i thought i already knew it but i guess i forgot that constantly competing and comparing wouldn't make one happy.
i mean, everyone does it, cuz we were taught to do so, and seriously all that matters now is THE HOLY BELL CURVE {spellcheck}
the whole world talks about it it's like the in thing or sth.
hehe but anyways
too late to turn back now, even if i have to regret i can't do anything about it yea.
[and i'll prolly leave the regret till when i get back my grades]
after all, i've come this far;

can u see it? it's 3 more papers =)
u see the F. the finish line.
yeah i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait.
i was so excited it took me 2 hours to stop stoning today and start studying.
but the holidays would be better if i didn't have to look for my source of moneh... heh
30 NOV IS THE DAY. [well laves and others who're still having last papers in dec, still behind u all the way!]
ok actually who cares about 30 nov it's already starting to feel like holidays heehe
after 30 nov, everyone's friends with each other! no more boarding the train and seeing RIJCians smiling and concluding that they thought the paper was no kick hahaha jason, SO COMPETITIVE.
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ok idk why i'm so excited, maybe it's reading emails with alot of exclamation marks from jane about our bbq hahaha.
i would be glad at the end of the a's to say, i screwed up, but i survived. HA.
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i'm afraid i make the same mistakes... but who doesn't have fears? COMEON HJX ~~AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.~~ [still competitors for now hehe] AND ALL LOVELIES

& i'm just afraid...

i'll lose control and start tearing up my books of tys.

HEEHEE.